When The Cat Comes First...October Writing by Kathryn Craig

10/12/15

So, everything in your husband’s life is more important than you.

Even the cat comes first.

When he comes through the door, exactly who gets the most attention?

The cat.

She purrs and rubs against him all cute. Underneath all that fur, you’d swear she’s wearing a negligee. Green with jealousy feeling totally foolish, you’re not sure if you want to shoot the cat or him. You even feel tempted to get down on all four’s and meow.

How do you get your husband to make you his first priority?

You’ve tried everything; none of the old techniques work.

Make-up doesn’t work. Getting your hair fixed doesn’t work. Meeting him in saran wrap at the door is out of the question; the last time you tried that, you greeted the wrong person.

So, what do you do when the cat comes first?

Study him. What makes him tick?

According to one authority, there are some things that hold true straight across the board about men. Dr. Laura Schlessinger in “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands ” asserts “I’ve never gotten a complaint from a male listener in twenty-five years on the radio over my assertion that men are very simple creatures.”

So, say it’s true. Men are nothing but simple. Not simple-minded, just uncomplicated.

What is there about that darn cat anyway?

What mysteries lurk behind her unblinking green eyes as she gazes intently at him? As she sashays toward her food dish, stops and looks adoringly at him, he jumps to meet her unspoken request.

By now, you’re definitely not sure if you want to strangle him or the cat. Jealousy has turned you into a green-eyed monster. There’s nothing mysterious about what’s behind your eyes!

But do you remember the anger that smoldered in his eyes the last time he noticed your jealousy? Did you read any “trapped” feelings in his expression as he tried to meet your expectations? You could demand your rightful place in his life, but wouldn’t it be much better to invite the same loving responses from him as he spontaneously shows toward the cat?

John Gottman, P.H.D., after studying two thousand couples for over two decades and “can predict with ninety-four percent accuracy who will stay married and who won’t”, wrote in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.” three key words that agreed with the spirit of Dr. Schlessinger’s book: “Confront him gently.”

So, you contemplate to yourself the descriptive words that come to mind so far: gentle, mysterious, sashay, and ask.

In your annoyed stated of mind, you wonder. Is inviting his loving responses toward me something I do or is it something I am? What is the difference between the cat and me? Do I have to become a femme fetale in order to get his attention, be something I am not?

As I write this article, an incident comes to mind. Though it occurred in my prior marriage, it’s still relevant.

 I’d felt unloved, unappreciated. That day I stood by the sink up to my elbows in soapsuds and half-prayed, half-fumed, having my own pity-party. Mysteriously at that same moment, my then husband came up behind me to wrap his arms around me and told me he loved me.

Coincidence, I grumbled to myself. I felt guilty about being so being petty, not to mention sheepish for praying – and then doubting and whining.

Even then I thought, he never sings to me anymore… My husband went into the living room, picked up his guitar, and sang to me. I never had to say a word!

As I draft this article, I recall now what I saw then and have forgotten. The very behaviors that my cat knows innately to do are the very actions that I feel least like doing, but are key to getting my needs as a woman met, and for bringing out the best in my husband toward me.

It’s a lesson I should have paid more attention to – then. But this is now. According to Lamentations 3:23, “God’s lovingkindnesses are new every morning.”

So I start again!

I do believe in my heart that marriage is a spiritual proposition and we on planet earth are spiritually based beings. I think men and women are more like two pieces of a puzzle being fitted together, different but equal in value.

Technically, for this spiritual union to be truly effective, it’s a threesome: God – the one who designed and instituted it, my hubby, and me. It’s just not easy to live out, or I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this article to you the reader, and struggling over it, would I?

Now, back to the drawing board of life’s lessons from my furry little four-legged friend. Today’s another day; I can start fresh, do better with my revised perspective and much-improved attitude!

To the Cat, I say this, “Watch out!”

To God, I pray, "Please help me."

Written by 

Catherine Craig

Meet Catherine Craig

Catherine J. Craig is originally from Upstate New York. She first planted both feet on Alaskan soil in 1990 to pursue a vision. Though that dream didn’t come to fruition, it wasn't the first time she stepped out in faith to follow a dream.     

In March 2005, a life-changing turn of events brought her busy life as an entrepreneur to a standstill. Unable to return to work due to unexpected health issues, Catherine capitalized on her unforeseen downtime to begin writing the book she'd dreamed of writing. 

As a mother of 4 healthy grown children, 2 stepsons, Grandmother of 11, and wife of a retired Journeyman, Jeff, who is also her best friend and staunch supporter, Catherine has this to say about parenting, "We never stop parenting our kids, do we?  The day they go out the door, the real parenting starts. The first 18 years are just about laying the foundation. The next  years are fine tuning what we did right and undoing what we didn't." 

Along with sea kayaking and fishing, she pursues her biggest passion – helping others experience God.