Relaxation-Communication-Connection

1/30/16

An unreliable messenger can cause a lot of trouble. 

Reliable communication permits progress.

Proverbs 13:17

(TLB)

I have just returned from a 10 day vacation from Costa Rica and had the chance to do some uninterrupted thinking along with much needed relaxation.

Fifteen years ago when I first migrated to US, I was in the habit of sending long detailed emails which were received enthusiastically and replied by most which led to an ongoing dialogue.

Then came smart phones and the Facebook era which literally changed the way we communicate. Many many of my friends stopped replying as they shared their lives via FB post.  Since I did not embrace FB for at least couple of years my sometimes anguished lamentations at losing the connectivity thread was brushed off with a shocked and bewildered response “what do you mean you miss talking? I write daily on FB, how come you don’t join and stop complaining?” Finally I did just do that and I think my first post was something to the effect that I am joining under duress for I wish to stay connected. I received many “Likes” to that post, by the way.

 I used the FB messenger prolifically then, sending long messages, at first privately then in groups, and the interactive cascade of everyone penning their thoughts slowly diminished into Likes, or Smiley Faces and then that further changed to “Seen by so and so, or these many people” to allow me the gratification that my message was at least “seen” if not “read”. My expectations adjusted, and I stopped writing long messages, resorted to chatting or sending short to the point cryptic messages on the FB messenger. I trained myself to this new norm.

Then came the world of "Whatsap" bringing an explosive over communication. Initially I was ecstatic at connecting with so many overseas friends and loved how family, relatives and friends made groups. I overlooked the fact that I was nearly always 10 hours behind in checking the messages thus after actually reading the 100+ messages I would find responding to them would have been like beating a dead horse, as the group had moved on to new topic all together or they either retired to bed with flurry of good nights. Yes the flurry of greetings by each member of the group morning and night, then the forward of many images, jokes, moral stories, satires and ensuing comments were and are like a deluge of communication. Buried somewhere in this torrential exchange would be snippets of personal and useful information that my heart craved.

Going away on the vacation where I chose to unplug myself from everything, I literally felt acute withdrawal at first and felt like a machine being unplugged from the life giving social media, but In 2 days time I was not even carrying my phone anywhere with me, not even to take pictures for I was allowing my eyes to look at mother nature un-hindered by a camera lens in between. I was not tweaking and editing images but watching the show in all its glory. Walking at night my head was not bent at the neck checking the latest updates on my phone, and this allowed me to witness the majestic skies with the brilliant stars lighting and twinkling in joyful glee. I actually felt the balmy winds in my hair and body. I heard the sounds of all kinds of birds and other animals. I gave meaning to the phrase “stop to smell the roses” for I did stop, bent, touched, sniffed, or just gazed at the abundant flora and fauna of the tropics. The humming birds, the butterflies, the bees, the flies and even the mosquitoes were examined by naked eye. The color palette of Mother nature is unbelievable and forget the colorful flowers, there were so many shades of green in ordinary grass and the shrubs and the trees.  Amazing is what it is.

As I sat by the ocean the pristine beaches allowed me to hear the ceaseless hum of the water, the splashing noise of endless waves on the sandy shores, the smoothness of the retreating waves also has a mesmerizing sound to it, did you know that? I read and wrote every day and sometimes my mind would be just blank, no thoughts, no output as it absorbed hundreds of sights and sounds as inputs.  This is the time I thought about how we all want instant gratification in everything depriving ourselves of the relishing long lasting slow satiation. We want to rush through everything, even talking with each other. It has to be a forward for it sort of indicates what we want to say…. Just not in our own words. We don’t mind losing the individual touch to it, for that takes time. Copy Paste or Forward is so easy and achieves the same result. Only it does not, no it does not.

Another example of how we really cant express these days. I attended a wedding and the mother of the bride had wanted everyone to write on bottom half of a A4 size page and she was going to add pictures on upper half and this booklet was to be made into a memorabilia of blessings and best wishes for the bride. I saw nearly 90% of the people struggle to write what they felt, nearly all of these wrote 2-3 lines then stopped grinning sheepishly and then mockingly at my fingers that were flying over my page. I stopped and actually felt embarrassed at myself, then slowly I got upset that why should I feel uncomfortable? I continued with my writing, and finished with ease. I looked up and saw people on their cell phones, scrolling through the vast list of forwarded messages to pick some choice poems, saying or phrases etc to add to their pages, some were looking at emojis and drawing them out.

That was the final straw for me, because I strongly feel that communication should be more than random, short texts. True the world has become smaller but we have become farther apart. True that we can reach each other so much faster than days of postal mail, but we are not really reaching inside, accessing the emotions, touching the hearts. True that we share so much instantly, but do we really share the emotions behind? No we rely on the constantly growing graphics and near perfect emoticons but the words that will give true meaning are missing. We rely too much on the fastest growing form of, visual over words, language ever based on its incredible adoption rate and speed of evolution. But one needs to stop and think and regurgitate our thoughts in words.

Hence here I am hoping to get a response from you, telling me tit bits of your life which I do not find on FB, but true connections. I want to talk.

After the long prologue I don’t think I should test your patience with other details
from my life, but let it suffice that this Costa Rica unplugged vacation has left me much calmer and clearer in mind, body and soul. I feel very connected with myself, and my family for we as a 4 member family truly talked about our past, present and future aspirations, we relived old memories even as we created more and I got to rediscover my daughters once again in their confidence as well as anxiety tinged musings. I could play the role of a parent and a friend. We talked, we laughed, we sat in comfortable silences and we truly communicated. Which is what I want from us so lets talk… you and me.

Written by
Nandita Bhatnagar